Before I became pregnant, this is what I thought pregnancy would feel like:
I would be glowing, making sure my pregnancy was planned, loving the idea of growing a child, and making it look easy.
But, then I actually became pregnant.
The glow was sweat.
The pregnancy was not on purpose.
And as it turns out, growing life is not easy.
It looks a little more like this:
Yes. That is me. I was crying because I was 6 weeks pregnant and you have to grow that child for 40 weeks, which basically felt like the rest of my life.
You'll be happy to know that 5 seconds after this photo was taken, I threw up because when you're pregnant and have an emotion, it makes you nauseous.
I lived on our bathroom rug for about 3 months before the doctor gave me medication for the nausea (talk about a life changing event).
Over the course of this pregnancy (week 17 as I write this), I've learned a lot and the biggest of those things is this:
It's completely possible to hate your pregnancy and still be in love with your baby.
Pregnancy is beautiful... for some.
For others... pregnancy is what you imagined a slow and painful death would be like.
All this said, I've compiled a list of some of the good, bad, and ugly of pregnancy:
1) Terrified that I'm actually dying.
I was almost in my second trimester by the time I got to the doctor. So, my 2 biggest fears were that:
a. The doctor would look at me and say, "I'm sorry Mrs. Wursthorn, but we can't seem to find a baby in there, we think you might actually be dying. Or...
b. The doctor would say, "No wonder you've been feeling sick, it looks like you've got 5-10 babies in there."
2) I have a 9 month excuse to do whatever I want.
"Gracie, I thought you were cleaning the kitchen today?"
Me: Oh, sorry, growing a child has taken a little extra work today.
"Gracie, it's spelled maternity not maturity."
Me: I'm growing life, I will spell it however I want.
"Gracie, could you stop putting the milk in the cabinet again."
Me: "The baby wants it there."
3) Exhaustion. All day. Everyday.
A friend mentioned to me that my nausea medication probably makes me sleepy.
Maybe it does, but my body was already doing a great job of that.
4) Trying to choose which foods I am okay throwing up.
This is a very difficult decision everyday, believe it or not.
Applesauce vs. Pudding
Jello vs. Icecream
Bread vs. Noodles
Thankfully, as someone who has thrown up all of these: You should never choose the noodles.
5) I should always thank my husband.
While it is true that the man had everything to do with putting you in this situation, he hates to see you hurting. Men naturally want to fix your problems—whether you asked for it or not.
And they can't fix this.
But, if they are a man worth anything, they will be doing everything they can to make sure you're comfortable and getting what you need.
So, at 1 am when you wake him up because you can't get out of bed and need icecream: Thank him.
When he comes home from work, only to spend an hour holding your hair back while you vomit: Thank him.
When he runs into the bathroom to clean the vomit out of your hair: Thank him.
When he's brought home dinner from Canes Chicken for the 8th time that week and ate it without complaint: Thank him.
When he makes a pallete for you to sleep on in the bathroom, bedroom, and living room floors: Thank him.
And when he calls your mother for help because he just doesn't know what else to do for you: Thank him.
If I've learned anything in marriage so far, it's that serving the other person is vital.
But, when you can't serve, recognizing the other person's sacrifice and service to you can be just as meaningful.
Pregnancy can be hard. It isn't always fun, but when I get to the end of this road and I'm staring down into a beautiful face only God could create, I'll know that I would do it all over again.
But maybe I'll wait... five or ten years.